Lelaki Berambut Liar

Love

2011-12-06T01:06:00.002+08:00

... is a very very tricky thing.

I can't sleep again tonight and it's already past 1 am. My brain travels to the memories of my love stories years before I announced that I'm stably single. Heartbreaks, disappointments and regrets all rolled into one giant emotion. And after a few years, I think I had enough.

And now as I watch my friends' love lives fell into pieces, they kinda remind me of what I've been through. I hope they don't never make those mistakes I did. I hope they do look at me and learn a few things.

I hope love won't pull any tricky stuff on them.

I hope.

Testis testis

2011-12-05T12:27:00.001+08:00

1, 2.
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Friends.

2011-12-04T11:31:00.001+08:00

I don't have many friends. And unknown to them, I have always been in friends-filtering mode so that I can always update my friends list. Unlike Facebook, where you can just delete/add them, or follow/unfollow them on Twitter, managing friends in real life can be quite tricky.

To date, I only have 2 bestfriends and 10 good ones. I'm picky and fussy and not many want to be my friends anyway. I have also lost a few good friends, because sometimes, the distance and the quality time you spent with each other, do have huge impact on your friendships. Some found themselves other good friends and some simply fell off the friendship wagon.

Friends who got on my nerves and lie many many times to me are also being filtered. Unless you are my bestfriends, please do not force me to hate you by doing all your quirks. And it's incredible when most of the time, they think everything is so good between us, they keep doing it again and again.

Friends who don't listen to my advices, and yet endlessly moaning and regretting that they have made wrong decisions, despise me. Understand this one thing, when you ask me to advise, and you don't want to take it, and you bitched about how things are not in order and how life fucked you up, I will be your friend and advise you about things again. But if the second time around, you repeat that same cycle, you are on your own bitch. We are friends, but shut up about it!

All in all, I only have 2 bestfriends and 10 good buddies. And I will kill for these people.

P/S: Encik Polis, I am only kidding about killing people ok. This is not a statement... so... ermmm... if I ever got prosecuted for something.... like murder... this is not my official confession or anything. Like seriously. I'm very nice and polite. Very Malaysian.

Blackberry Blog

2011-01-03T19:38:00.002+08:00

I didn't know you can blog from the phone. This is my first blog post from my blackberry. I hope it turns out ok~

Cheers! And Happy New Year guys!!!

Rgds,
Musang.

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Doctors

2010-12-10T15:19:00.002+08:00

Deluded by the idea that our world only has good competent doctors as portrayed by that show Grey’s Anatomy, I often forgot that there are, unfortunately, incompetent bad doctors roaming around the hospitals everywhere too.

To be a doctor, in my opinion, is not to be a racist, religionist, sexist and many many ist that they are. Doctors are neutral. Doctors are like angels. Doctors help fix those in needs. Doctors help regardless the religion of the patient, the race, the sex, the sexual orientation, the social class, the financial background and regardless many many factors that make someone a human.

Doctors help people because they are doctors.

However, like any other human being, doctors can be anyone who is racist, religionist or sexist too. Homophobes can be doctors too. They also can be one of those who arrogant bastards who think that they are the highest being ever. But of course they also can be one of those nice doctors who offer their helps no matter what. And so far, those I have encountered proved to be the doctors that I always have in my fantasy (not the 2-hunky-doctors-and-a-very-intense-physical-exam fantasy, but the nice-perfect-good-doctors-that- I-always-imagine-they-are fantasy).

Thus, outside their medicine practising hour, they are like us, with their opinions and beliefs. Doctors are a bunch of humans too.

And today, I read about a homophobic woman doctor.

My fantasy is shattered.

Assumption and Expectation

2010-12-09T15:37:00.000+08:00

When a 20-something single guy move back to his parent’s house, people would almost likely to come up with an assumption.

He has some kind of problems.

Which is true. But with lots of people talking about it, a lot of assumptions would be discussed. Was he fired from his previous job? Is he running away from loan-sharks? Had he made someone pregnant and is hiding here? And the ultimate assumption, he is some kind of a loser.

There was a Malay saying, kita boleh tutup mulut tempayan, tapi tak boleh nak tutup mulut orang (Translation: we can shut the jar, but not people mouths). There is nothing I can do to change the opinions these people had form in their tiny little head, except to stay quiet and get another job as soon as possible. Which is what I intended to do whilst I’m here at my mom’s.

But what makes me thinking is, when there’s an assumption, there is also an expectation. And with the success rate of slim to none, are we obligated to live up to these people expectations? Or are we forever to live in their assumptions of who we are?

The Kind of Date

2010-09-12T22:55:00.000+08:00

12th September is today's date. An ordinary twelfth day of a month. It doesn't has the same impact as 11th September has.

Yesterday's date is a reminder for a tragedy happened in 2001. A calamity that successfully changed the view on Islam and its followers. A date that changed my opinion on everything and everyone. A day that sparked inter-religion hatred. The moment I blamed Islam extremists for changing the way it is today, 9 years later.

I believed everything was carefully planned. I believed that know the consequences of their acts but they executed it anyway. I believed that they don't really understand what Islam is. Maybe they are computer geniuses or brilliant students as everybody claimed they were, but my point is, they were just stupid puppets for someone who might benefits from all this mess.

If they understand Islam fully, they won't harm any innocents for the 'greater good'. If they are good Muslims, they have compassion instead of cold murderer hearts.

My prayer goes to those who were murdered and those who suffered/experienced terrible loss on that day. I can never imagine myself in that horrific episode and I hope to God I never would have to.

I wish for a better tomorrow for all of us.

P/S: Oy you! Allah is a standard Arabic word for God. Get over it will ya? It so happened that the word existed in pre-Islam world. Let me rephrase that if you can't understand; the word Allah has been used in Christianity and Judaism long before Islam existed. Please jangan tidur masa Pendidikan Islam ok, you might missed important facts like this one.

Tomorrow is Hari Raya!

2010-09-09T22:07:00.003+08:00

Yay! So tomorrow is Hari Raya, so here goes...

Selamat Hari Raya to all of you, Muslims, Christians, Hindus, Buddhist, or whatever god you believe in. I hope tomorrow will be a better day for all of us.

And please don't be part of the road accidents statistic this holiday season~

Cheers!

Ad Frenzy

2010-09-08T03:37:00.003+08:00

OK. So what do we have here? An ad everybody was/is talking about since it was aired and pulled off after 4 times of airings.

For. God. Sake. It is just one advertisement for Hari Raya that has obvious “elements” of Christianity, Buddhism and Hinduism. Yeah. I for one not that thrilled seeing a flying beca or those lotus flowers the director seems trying to associate with Hari Raya. Please blame the recent 1Malaysia unity motto for that.

But then again, it is just one bloody advertisement!

At worst, they just look ridiculous.

But to say that it has something to do with Freemason or Illuminati?

Now that is crap.

I mean, come on. Who’s going to watch the reversed Arabic anyway? They were on like 0.5sec. And I bet no kid would look at it when there’s an obvious screaming red beca coming to life. I understand that you are trying to look at things differently, but for once please let it be somewhat logical.

And please grow up.

And do something to avoid teen pregnancy.

...and Executing.

2010-09-07T17:09:00.002+08:00

Planning and executing are two very different things. I love planning. Setting the kind of result I want and how to get it. Executing the plan to get the result is the problem. I am not that fond of doing all the hard works.

Let’s cut the crap here. I want an easy life. I want a good result and I want it fast. But then it got me to think. How am I supposed to get everything I desire without doing the hard works? I was so into an easy life in my previous year that I forgot how life can be cruel at times. How it can be so unpredictable most of the times. Thus, having an easy life would not be as easy as it sounds right now.

But having things planned out is a good start, in my case anyway. I have to say it should be worth to work it (no matter how hard) and enjoy the good outcome in the end of the day, knowing you made your own effort to get those things.

And I’m executing the plan slowly.

Very slowly...

Planning

2010-06-21T02:29:00.005+08:00

Yes it is a little late for all this. I need to change everything. I saw the new series on Hallmark channel just now, Life Unexpected, and I was thinking to myself, “I need to change myself, life is unexpected and rather than shape the life to suit you, it is you who have to change to suit the life.”

Maybe my way of thinking or seeing things is a little bit different and I don’t know if it is wrong unless I go and try my best in hell to get it done, innit? Therefore, here I am listing a few things in life I need to change and to keep track of it.

One: my health.
I need to be physically healthy. Not in my worst condition but I want it to be better. I have to change so that I can display a better first impression. Get fit, toned up and good skins. Practice healthy diet and get on with a regular workout schedule.

Two: my career.
I haven’t been called for interview yet. Well... there was one, with PLUS, but I doubt that they’ll call. And I’m not hoping to be called for work there either. The headquarters is like totally far from where I am now and there is no access to public transport. But then, that’s it. That is the ONLY interview I get since I was out of work last April. My plan is this, to apply as many jobs I can, regardless of the nature of the job, as long as I can get by before I land myself a better one. And get one of those recruitment agency to get me a job.

Three: my masters.
Here’s the thing. I have got it. I have got the placement to Uni of Dundee. And all I need is money to cover the tuition and basic living cost, like accommodation and foods. For just one year. I need to have a plan for this.

That’s it I guess. The planning starts tomorrow.

Gym

2010-05-25T02:18:00.003+08:00

It is that time of the month.

My monthly visit to my expensively paid gym.

At noon when no one will be around...

Good huh?!

I can have the whole sauna to myself~

A bliss to be jobless...

Living Zombie

2010-05-05T01:27:00.001+08:00

There is only one certainty in life and that is death.

I don't know who said that but I agreed with it totally. It is like you never know what will hit you in life, be it your career or your relationship or your surrounding, you can always count on one thing... And it is death.

I've quit my job like 3 and a half weeks ago with nothing to back up. My previous boss gave me the ultimatum, to be fired or quit quietly. And I am the person who has the idea of why bother working with someone who in his mind, has already sacked you off of his company... So the best thing for me is to quit and get on with my life.

I've been living in KL for the rest of April not thinking. I wandered around home with nothing to do and living a life of a zombie. Which is good since I still have the money to survive for about two months. I'm not struggling to find a job because in a way, I've lost my direction. I've lost my goals in life. And I kinda like it living like someone is keeping me...

For about two weeks.

And then I went mad...

Up until now.

I'm jobless and I have slightly gone mental.

Memories

2010-04-16T00:03:00.003+08:00

It is a wonder how memories can flip our emotions from happy to sad, from romantic to bitchy, and vice versa. Or maybe, it is just me.

A sudden memory of my late brother made me go teary eyes and I can't hide it, no matter how hard I try. And yes, I have tried hard.

No, he did not died in a battle field. Nor he sacrificed himself to save some nearly drowned children. In fact he did nothing noble before his death. He was just a 22 years old guy diagnosed with brain damaged resultance from delay in birth delivery.

He doesn't know anything other than smiling when he's in a good mood and trashing around whenever he feels hot and/or uncomfortable. He would go and catch a fever whenever Mak goes out station or when he miss ones close to his heart.

You can never count prayers I had when I was little so that he could get up running and be all normal. You can never guess the times I dreamt about us sibling running and playing and laughing. I still remember one night, I was wide awake from a nightmare I had, I was crying in my sleep and I told God, "Take anything you want from me, my happiness and my Sega console, but please, please, please let my brother have a happy life."

In a way, my life did go crappy, and the game console is nowhere to be found now. My bet is God has made him happy.

Physically and mentally challenged, but happy... And I always love you.

Rest In Peace: Ahmad Najib 1984-2006.

My Old Self.

2010-03-12T05:21:00.001+08:00

I have to get back to my old self. The one who spent his time reading novels, not sleeping. The one would love to visit places on his own, not staying at home rotting. Someone who have time for swimming and gymming. And I need to be the one who is able to voice out opinions because he believe in it, not sit down and ponder on "what if I voive out my opinion" thoughts.

It has been many months since I started working that I started to lose myself. Slaving myself at work for a raise of no more than rm200 per year. It hit me last week. It hit me hard (the thought, not the work). Why am doing all these? Waking up at 7 every morning, and return to home every night at 7? And by 10-11pm, I'm all tired and sleepy and should be ready for bed. Where is the old me who, when prompted, would be able to attend late supper and still able to wake up the next morning ready all fresh?

Not only I've lost me, I've lost the gay me. At work I am all straight. The walking, the talking and the ogling. It is very tiring to be someone I'm not. But I can't be open and wild at work. My career would be jeopardize. I don't know what kind of people my colleagues are yet, but as far as I know, they are all as straight as ken ryker's dick. I'm back in the closet now, so deep that now I'm in the straightnia - narnia for straight people.

Lost him somehow between 2008 and 2009. I need to get him back. Need to get back the gay happy me. I should be able to voice out my opinion and I should be able to be my old-self.

And I should be able to read books when I'm free. Sappy romantic kind of books. Because I love reading and I need my dose of romance.

And I need boyfriend too... Fast!

Office Rant

2010-02-27T00:41:00.000+08:00

I can fix this. I can fix my own life, can’t I?

Apparently I can’t get any interview with the job that related to my degree qualification. I’ve tried applying here and there. But to no avail.

For now, like it or not, I have to stay with my current job. The position I was promoted to a few months ago carries with itself lots of problems and headaches. And the salary is not that interesting. But nevertheless, I’m happy with it. And I’m getting a hold on all this... for now.

Plus, it is only a year since I graduated. And within a year, I’ve got myself a promotion.

Without office politics.

That, or office sex.

Oh god... I really really need sex.

Me and My Friends

2010-01-10T12:33:00.004+08:00

Yesterday, Serena and I went to our friend's house. He's celebrating the birth of his twin boys just recently and it's only polite of us to go and give a visit to the little family. And seeing my friends starting families of their own, has a huge impact on me. Will I have a family of my own? Will I have a loving husband and a kid or two? Will I have a small house by the beach like I've always dream?

I'm 27 years old now. It's not a secret anymore. And the last I've got carded before going into a club was April last year. I'm getting older and it shows on my fucking face. I have tried using the online profiles to get me a boyfriend, but to no avail. Everybody's looking for sex. And sex. And sex. And then, relationship. Will I get a boyfriend who would settle down with me soon enough? To start our own little family?

My friend Serena has a problem of her own. She secured herself with a loyal boyfriend. The boyfriend is still saving up money for their dream wedding. When asked, she said, he said, that the wedding piggy bank is still half full. So she and I are both in the same boat. We are waiting for our day to have a husband, babies... and a family.

I love my friends and their little family. And I've always regarded myself as an uncle to their little ones. But for how long? For how long can I ride this? Declaring my friends' kids to be related to me. Declaring that I am a part of something big. Something called family. But for how long?

Friends are not like diamonds.

They don't last forever.

And I'll be all alone.

The Rescue Team

2009-11-02T11:33:00.003+08:00

"What the fuck?!"

"Yup. Dia dah meraung-raung and tak tau kat mana sekarang."

"Oh my god. Habis tue macam mana sekarang nie?"

"If you kat rumah, I'll pick you up."

"Oh... I kat Hartamas sekarang. minum-minum dengan my friends."

"Oh."

"Macam nie lah.. you try and get her location using the friend-finder thingie."

"OK."

"Call me once you got it."

And she called. And we discussed. And so I've became a part of the rescue team searching high and low for my other friend in Subang Jaya.

The thing about becoming a rescuer, one should posses a calm mind. Not empty+paranoid, but calm and have the ability to produce a solution/alternative if the the person you want to rescue was not found.

"OMG. Where is she?!!! AND HER FUCKING PHONE IS FUCKING DEAD!"

"OMG. ye ke?!!! Takpe, kita tengok slow slow."

"Tapi ada orang-orang lelaki nie muka macam penjahat!!"

"Ha'ah kan!"

Awkward silence.

"OMG what if she..."

"Kau jangan laa fikir bukan bukan!!"

"Lets look at another petrol station, maybe she's there."

And she was. Waiting in the car... Sleeping. And all that suspicions towards the innocent guys at the other petrol station were gone. The assumptions that I've made were vanished.

No. I'm not hating it when she needed the rescue. And I don't hate her partner of which in a way triggered the situation. I just hate it that sometimes in a relationship, people might stop thinking and fight for god knows what and made a horrible decision. A horrible decision that would do harm to themselves.

If the relationship doesn't working out, why bother staying?

Was I rescuing her from being lost or from her relationship?

When I saw both of them laughing again together yesterday, I was like, is all forgiven already? Not that I hope for the opposite, but I was confused and I have no one to tell me.

Should I ask?

Or should I leave the happy couple alone?

And if I ever needed to be a part of a rescue team again, I want her to be lost in a place where hot guys strolling around, so I can cuci mata while rescuing. :P

Friends

2009-10-29T11:09:00.004+08:00

How can one go without updating on his blog?

Simple.

One just too busy with one's life and work and doesn't have much time to sit down and summarize his day or write down if anything interesting happened because nothing happened.

But today I'll talk. I'll write. I think I'm starting to lose out my friends. I don't have many friends. Yes I know many people, but I don't have lots of friends. Friends that you confide with, friends that you can trust your life with and friends you believe will drag their asses in the middle of the night should you need someone to bail you out from lock-up.

I don't have much of that kind of friends. Maybe 5.

And these 5 so called friends also have a life of their own. I'm not included in their world, I guess. It's complicated.

I think I need to shut up now and call them. To reconnect the friendship we had... the memories we shared... and the time we've spent together.

And just in case if I've got myself booked at the local police station.

Blogging Again

2009-08-30T17:34:00.000+08:00

The thing about blogging is; it should never be a job for you. In my opinion, you have to be really into it when you are translating your soul, your experience or your opinion into words which then becomes a post in your blog. It should be the thing you do when you have a few minutes to spare. That’s what I think anyhow.

I think my life is getting better. Or a bit stable than before (before as in the past couple of months). The career is good but not better, though there is an increment in my pay. Sex life is still at point zero. My family is still the same crazy bunch. Mom’s debating whether or not to join the national sports team. Big brother’s not going to spend this coming Raya holiday at mom’s place. Little sister and brother are still continuing their study, despite the swine flu pandemic.

Since I have so much time in the office now that I don’t have much to do, I guess I can spend some of my time here, writing for my blog. I have so many things to tell, so many stories to share.

But I’m not a good story teller.

I’m a simple blogger.

:P

Running After

2009-06-20T16:46:00.004+08:00

I have always fall for the wrong guy. They are either confuse with their sexuality or totally straight but love attention from another guy. And I'm tired of going out with these kind of men.

Or having a romantic relationship with any of them.

Sangat memenatkan.

There are a lot of things on my plate now. Adding an emotional mess to it, will only make it even worse.

I need time to sort out my life.

So if they want me, they better catch me. I am not doing the running anymore. I'll be waiting on my couch watching tv.

*flips hair*

A Date...

2009-06-19T00:12:00.005+08:00

A date is an activity where two or more people make a promise with each other to do one or more activities which has been agreed on, on the day the promise was made. And prior of doing that said activity, they have to meet at an agreed place and at an agreed time.

And if one of the date-person has to attend something way more important, it is much much much of an appropriate manner of a gentleman to pick up the bloody phone and key in the bloody phone number, wait for the other bloody line to ring and get picked up, and bloody give out the bloody excuse for not going to the bloody date!!

I can handle you being a little late. Or a lot late. As long as you have a good reason. Like your roses are dying and you have to water the fucking plant back to life.

Anything.

I just can't handle being stood up, and no phone call.

I hope you have a good reason.

Because I do like you...

And I'm writing this with a pair of angry hands and an angry heart. Forgive me.

My Type of Stranger...

2009-06-05T02:18:00.008+08:00

I was on my way home the other day and I saw this hottie standing a meter or two across me. Cute, fit and possibly gay as my gaydar has been pinging since the first glance.

He's really cute actually. My phone is a bit sucky at taking pictures~

I think I've wet my panties by just looking at his incredible pecs.

*sigh*

And uh... My mom got admitted into hospital a couple of days ago. Some problem with her hearing. So I am now in Perak taking care of her... in a way... but my secret agenda is to have a look around at handsome doctors and have one of them as my boyfriend.

*start flirting mode*

:P

Crush

2009-05-30T03:48:00.000+08:00

It has been quite a busy couple of weeks for yours truly. Ermmm... Scratch that, it has been a busy month for me that is.

I've been sorting myself this month, that and having a leg bitching almost every day. I've exhausted meself to an extent that I can't see straight anymore. No pun intended.

And I have sort of a crush at my workplace. With someone I thought have not the criterions of one I've been searching since forever. Not that I don't want to proceed, but the paranoid lil bastard in me doesn't seems to get to hold the idea.

How could that happened? You ask me.

It was an accident and I believed the romance that would be created is one impossible and worth to be killed before it even started.

Classic. I know.

Maybe I'm destined to be the bitter old man in years to come. But do I give a fuck? Hell no!

And while I'm at that, I think the romance should be put out before it becomes too fiery that my little heart couldn't handle.

But how you disregard someone who smells so good everyday that you cannot miss? Someone who you would do any of his wishes thinking yours only second to his?

And I should've stopped reading those romance novels... Those storylines are messing with the inside of my head.

Bangkok Part 03

2009-04-22T19:19:00.003+08:00

What's a visit to Thailand if you don't go to the stripped clubs?

A boring one that is.

And being good and supportive tourists that we are, my mates and I made a visit to one.

It was a hell of a club and everybody who is legal should go to one.

Hot guys prancing around in underwear or stark naked. Gorgeous specimens masturbating and wasting their juices on the stage floor. A couple of performers had a hot fuck on the stage with various creative positions that you have to see it to believe it.

And I can't get my little man up throughout those said performances.

OMG. I'm fucked.

My theory is "I've been watching too much porn".

And my friends', "You'll get it up for your love one" & "I think those hanging between your legs are just unnecessary accessories”.

Fuckers.

Anyway,

Strip club rocks!!

ooohhh...

Bangkok Part 02

2009-04-16T01:01:00.001+08:00

So we went to "DJ Station", one of the most frequently visited gay night club here in Silom, Bangkok.

And I hate it...

Because when you go to the famous night club, the possibility of the club to get over-flowed, is fucking fatter than the fat kid who loves his cake.

Get this, the club is totally packed and yet the guys at the admission counter still accepting people like the club has the size of the stadium. How genius is that?

Of course I know that they want to maximise the revenue, but to a person like me who rather have fun dancing at place where I can actually have some dancing and gawking at the attendees, DJ Station is so not for me.

And to add salt to the fucking bleeding injury, some bitch elbowed me in that motherfucking sardine-in-tin-packed stupid club!! How dare her! But thinking that I'm on the foreign land, under different law and territory, I suspected that I've intruded her space and somehow intimidated that bitch. So I said that I'm sorry in my most posh English accent, surprising that bitch that I'm not some sort of local slut. I flipped my hair and continued dancing for another 15mins before I grew tired of the music and the people.

All I can say is, they are all beautiful, the club goers, so beautiful that I've become so stressed-out for not being one.

My advice is to carefully pick out the kind of club you want to go, as you might regret if you didn't.

Bangkok Part 01

2009-04-12T16:33:00.002+08:00

When we arrived in Thailand, the first thing I did was searched for the toilet. The need to pee was pretty intense since I’ve been holding it even before we check-in back in KL.

And it feels like I was marking my territory with it.

Like a bitch.

Omg.

Am I?

Anyway, the rides from the airport to our hotel were fine. And the view was breathtaking. There were many a time my friends and I gasped looking at some views. Up to a point where we’ve reached to a point of thinking, “Are we in a hot weathered heaven?”

Or maybe I was the only one who thought of that.

But all of us agree in one thing,

The boys in Bangkok can make you orgasm on the spot.

They are so hot!!!

I think I want to get married with one of them Bangkok boys, and live happily ever after.

~amen~

Upcoming Trip

2009-03-26T11:31:00.003+08:00

It is 8 more days before the Bangkok trip, or Percutian Penuh Dosa as I put it, and I’ve been more than excited since the first day we booked the flight and hotel.

I am sexcited really.

Hiks.

What should I wear? Where should I go? Who should I play with? How should we play it? When should I stop?

A few questions, but too many answers.

Why I need this vacation again?

Only one answer.

Because it was too damn long since the last time I went off and play in unfamiliar territory.

And I might score myself a boyfriend~

*sikat sikat rambut bagi nampak kemas, and sapu sapu bedak kasi wangi*

Hello Bangkok~

Denial

2009-03-05T23:15:00.001+08:00

The main reason I have a blog 4 years ago was because I love to write. I write about nearly everything and mostly about me. I remember that I let a few of my friends know and read the said blog.

And then it spread out. Not only my close friends read it, complete strangers and my secondary school friends are at it too. Of course at that time I was worried about the acceptance, about coming out to that part of my world, but I braved myself. After all, we are not in high school anymore, all of us are grown ups. We tend to think differently from one another and we are leading different kind of life and sexual orientation from one another. The differences that we had and still have are not just there to be talked about, they are there to make us unique, to make us different from one another.

I do love my friends from high school. I have good memories and also the bad ones with them. I have a few good and 2 best friends from that school. Though maybe there are times where I’ve made irreparable mistakes and was receiving bad treatment from most of my friends, I was glad I made that mistake. At least, then and there, I knew who my real friends are. And people say is true, that kids can be cruel, and high school kids are even crueller.

And now, to hear that I am still a topic, makes them crueller than those times in high school. Demanding an explanation from me, why things are the way they are, is simply an ignorance. I know that to some of them, having a gay friend is weird. And the fact that my best friend (now married) trying to let me know what I chose is wrong and without fail telling me THAT every time I spend my weekends at his house. It is denial on your side. A denial as you are still holding to the idea of “all your friends from your secondary school are straight and will get married soon”. That idea… and God, I hate it. I can still tolerate him as he is my best friend, but the rest of you?

We are not that close, yet I feel that we are somehow. I don’t want to lose friends I’ve gained all these years. If you can’t accept me the way I am, then I don’t know what to say anymore.

Just please…

Do not be in denial.

Internet Profile II

2009-03-02T16:30:00.004+08:00

Remember that I wanted to join some of the gay internet profiles a few posts back? Well, I have got myself 3 internet profiles now. Only flirted once using one of them and the guy flirted back, and I flirted back at him and he stopped responding.

Was it something with my flirting skills? I've stopped flirting since then. I have my ego.

Or not.

So I am a bit too shy to flirt with the lot, so what?

All right... It is a problem.

What am I supposed to do? Just go ahead and say hi to as many profiles as I can click on? What about rejection? And what about the things I should say? Or topics to be included in our conversations?

Now, should I go through the profiles thoroughly, or simply say hi to random profiles?

Or can someone teach me how to flirt?

Fraud

2009-02-19T21:54:00.004+08:00

Almost everyday I read about frauds in newspaper. Be it "Gores & Menang" scheme, privilege card clubs and a lot more others that people nowadays can think of to obtain easy money. The modus operandi is very simple, they sweet talk their victim into parting with their hard-earn money with promises that they’ll be getting something worth even more.

As if they (the victims) are the luckiest to ever get on that deal.

And everyday I would laugh to think, how stupid these ‘makcik-makcik’ and ‘pakcik-pakcik’ must be to be swindled.

I was still laughing until one day my friend told me that he has fallen prey to one of the schemes. The privilege card clubs scheme.

Perky Bottom: eh angah
Perky Bottom: td kan
Perky Bottom: aku dpt call dr ezlink card
Perky Bottom: dia ckp bla2 offer memacam
Me: ezlink?
Perky Bottom: pastu aku cam percaya la
Me: card apa tue?
Perky Bottom: pastu dia mintak no kad visa aku
Perky Bottom: aku kasi!
Me: OMG!!
Perky Bottom: pastu dia mintak no pin kt blkg kad tu
Perky Bottom: aku trus.. ehh
Perky Bottom: mana bole!
Perky Bottom: ske2 je nk mintak no pin tu
Perky Bottom: palotak
Perky Bottom: pastu dia bebel2
Me: barua
Perky Bottom: pastu i ckp la.. ok..
Perky Bottom: u ckp ada kerjasama ngn bank islam kan?
Perky Bottom: dia ckp aah
Perky Bottom: ok leh i call bank islam dulu?
Perky Bottom: pastu dia ckp la. bla2...
Perky Bottom: dia ckp xde urusniaga direct ngn bank islam
Perky Bottom: pastu ok..
Perky Bottom: klu camtu td u ckp ada promotion ngn aam kan?
Perky Bottom: a ah dia ckp
Perky Bottom: pastu promotion ngn touch n go lg
Perky Bottom: pastu dia bengang
Perky Bottom: cam sial
Perky Bottom: aku ngah ckp dia leh potong lak
Perky Bottom: babi tul
Perky Bottom: kuang ajar
Perky Bottom: pastu aku bebel2
Perky Bottom: dia bebel3
Perky Bottom: lawan aku laaaaaaaaa
Me: omg
Perky Bottom: pastu dia cam bengang dia ckp ok la nti sy suh CS sy sms sume no apa2 yg patut
Perky Bottom: pastu dia letak
Me: pastu ko dah kasi nombor visa kau
Perky Bottom: dia x abis mintak apa lg yg dia tnya tu
Perky Bottom: no tu x kisah la
Perky Bottom: sbb dia xleh guna pun kan?
Perky Bottom: boleh ke?
Me: kalau dia ada exp date sekals
Perky Bottom: leh ke?
Perky Bottom: alamak
Me: dia surf porn
Perky Bottom: aku da kasi la
Me: hambek
Perky Bottom: adoii
Perky Bottom: tp dia kene mintak no pin blkg tu
Perky Bottom: tu kene ada
Me: kene eh?
Perky Bottom: klu nk transaction thru internet
Perky BottomPerky Bottom: a ah
Me: oh oh
Perky Bottom: tu wajib kene masukkan
Perky Bottom: sib baik aku x kasi
Perky Bottom: tp aku nk kene call bank islam
Perky Bottom: dia kasi no fon opis n alamat opis
Me: mana bukak hari nie
Me: ke ada hotline?
Perky Bottom: aku rasa cam nk call bghn apa ar?
Perky Bottom: khedn eh?
Me: khedn tue apa?
Perky Bottom: cpt la angah
Perky Bottom: aku nk repot ni
Perky Bottom: jap ar
Perky Bottom: call R**
Me: ha'ah
Me: call dia
Me: i tunggu
Perky Bottom: ok
Perky Bottom: dia kt dlm kelas kot
Me: ezlink nie aku google untuk MRT kat singapore
Perky Bottom: tu ar kn
Perky Bottom: siot tul
Perky Bottom: aku google td pun sg gak
Me: omg
Me: kau nie
Me: apa yang dia boleh buat dengan card tue
Perky Bottom: aku nk call BI
Perky Bottom: tu la
Me: BI?
Perky Bottom: nk tnya bank islam
Me: oh
Me: call la
Me: BI ada hotline ke?
Perky Bottom: bongok ler
Perky Bottom: hahhhaa
Perky Bottom: adoii siot tul
Me: call laa
Perky Bottom: ada
Me: cakap nak cakap dengan operator
Me: pastu cakap laa
Me: "tadi ada sorang jantan hensem call i..."
Perky Bottom: lol
Perky Bottom: burit
Perky Bottom: eh x jd eh chilis?
Me: ko nak pegi gym tak today?

...And our conversation went off from fraud to skipping gym.

Unlucky for him, his card was charged over RM300 for something he never agreed for in the first place. He was naïve and realized that he’s being conned only a little too late.

I can’t say he’s stupid and all, because he is very smart. Small, smart and a cum slut.

But it was a kind of stupid to give away your credit card number and exp date to a stranger, wasn’t it?

:P

Negative Job

2009-02-11T19:02:00.005+08:00

I hate my job today.

No positive progress.

Saya jadi mangsa kemarahan boss saya~. Benci lah!

Money, money, money...

2009-02-11T00:13:00.002+08:00

I've received my confirmation, hence a raise in basic salary.

*feeling a little bit richer*

I've received a warning for my bad attendance record.

**gasps**

My lawyer called this morning and told me that the cheque is ready.

*yay!*

Internet Profile

2009-02-05T03:03:00.000+08:00

One of my many new year resolutions is to get myself a bf.

Yup. That is it. A male friend to have sex with everyday and to support you emotionally and financially. :P

And to achieve that, I'm planning to join ALL internet online profile thingie that cater for gay people and be an active member.

My only problem is this. I always thought that everybody who has online profile such as and manjam and g4m and fridae are only there for sex. To find one candidate for an all-night-long fun and chuck them out back on the street in the morning.

If it is the case, I should be worried. I am a very traditional kind of guy. I usually go for dates, and dinners and movies before I make the decision of jumping into the bed with them. I want it to be special and with someone I will never regret of doing it with once I wake up in the morning.

Or should I just go and have sex with everybody like the wild bunny rabbit I am?

Bastard Colleague

2009-01-20T23:51:00.005+08:00

I have one bastard little pig as a colleague.

And I wonder if I'm at some Old McDonald's farm.

Should I sing "e, i, e, i, o," everytime he walks in?

Or should I scream "Pig!!! Pig!!!" instead?

LOL.

I am funny.

Drunken Sailors

2009-01-16T21:51:00.004+08:00

Last couple of days, I went to the cheapest bar I've ever been to with fellow seamen (sounds funny, isn't it? haha) for a quick drink before we get back to the ship. We arrived there at the wrongest time, the opening hours. Just the 4 of us and the skinny barman with empty stools everywhere. And there goes my luck meeting with local hunks at the bar. And when I said a cheap bar, it does mean that the bar has cheap lighting, cheap furnitures and serves only cheap beers. Which I don't drink. At all.

OK. I lied. I sipped a bit...

... Or maybe I had one good glass of it.

Anyway, one of these drunken sailors, caught my attention that night. He was kind. He was attentive. And he was attractive (I think I found him attractive after one drink... maybe 2). When we got back to the vessel, I nearly head up back to his cabin. "To nurse you sober" would be my excuse back then.

Lucky I didn't go.

Because I was thinking, if we did 'something', what will my excuse be the next morning? And seeing that he has the ability to give me one black eye (prolly two if he saw me naked in bed with him), I don't want to put our work relationship in jeopardy. I mean, I like this guy as a friend, and I always treasure my friends. There is no excuse that can save a friendship, murdered by sleeping together.

Should I avoid him to avoid me building up hopes?

Or should I just quit my job?

Father

2009-01-11T22:56:00.001+08:00

For those who still doesn't know, I've been working and living in KL for 6 months now.

For my dad, I am nowhere to be found.

Father. The word seems a bit lost whenever I try to include it in conversation. Or like during the friendly i-let-you-know-a-little-bit-about-me-if-you-tell-me-something-about-yourself chatting I had yesterday with my workmate.

"What does your father do?"

"..."

"He's still working?"

"Do you really need to know that?"

"Why not?"

"Why should you?"

"I'm just being friendly."

"Please don't over do it."

"O.K."

"Alright."

With my 'alright', the friendly banter stopped, and the thinking about "where's my dad at this moment" started. Just like that.

I know that one should never try forgetting one's father, but the hating was imminent. Everything he did invites hate against him. I even have a town full of hates in my heart at this moment. Towards him that is.

But what one should do when one has a father who tells lies to his side of family about us? Or when he doesn't include/invite/inform me and my siblings in any of his side family events?

What one should do?

I know.

One should delete the said father from his life totally.

Sorted.

Tagged

2009-01-11T01:53:00.002+08:00

Rufus tagged me with this meme~

I hate doing meme, but since I don't have anything to write here (nothing sexually interesting), I'm going to do it.

Senaraikan 3 perkara tentang orang yang telah TAG kamu

Simple.

Rebellious.

Unpredictable.

Senaraikan 3 perkara tentang diri kamu

I'm 25** years old.

Hate crowds.

Love coffee.

Namakan filem favorite kamu dan namakan 2 pelakon utamanya

Ghost.

Patrick Swayze & Whoopi Goldberg.

Berapa size pinggang kamu (size sebenar. jgn nak tipu ye..)

32**.

Apakah warna seluar dalam kamu tika menaip soalan-soalan ini ?

Bukan saya yang menaip soalan ini.

I would love to tag a few friends, but I don't want to bother people. They've got other things to write about.

Cheers~

p/s: please ignore those marked with **, they are not that important.

Oh It's The End Of The Year.

2009-01-01T13:09:00.002+08:00

Notice that I don't write much lately?

Yeah.

Because I don't know how to put up words together anymore. To tell stories. To share experiences. To vent out feelings.

Not only that I don't know how to put up words, I also cannot find anything about my everyday life worth to tell. Of course there were some events that made to my diary, but they fell into private category. My eyes only. And certain events, were so embarrassing, they needed to be forgotten as immediately as they happened.

I've become selfishly keeping myself to me. Refuse sharing. More secretive.

I need to change.

Like the address of this blog has changed.

I need to start sharing my feelings...

...and things happened to me few weeks ago.

Lets starts with "Last few weeks ago I bumped into a guy on my way home."...

Should be interesting, shouldn't it?

Later~

First...

2008-10-02T03:17:00.003+08:00

This is my second "first post" in blogspot.com. Am starting a new blog, with a new name and a new web address.

Later.